if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
