its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You took a bar mat shot.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
