Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
