He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
