Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
did i walk over a car last night?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
