i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
