everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
