just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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