Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
What a dumb baby whore.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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