"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize
