Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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