I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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