Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
