Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
