the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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