In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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