I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
