I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
