great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
