i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He passed out mid-signature
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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