Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
