so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
