nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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