I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
