i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
