1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize