So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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