oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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