I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If that was your dad, he is hot
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
