i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
