So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
