I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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