hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
