I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
