I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize