Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
worst night to have a conscience
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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