So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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