I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
