i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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