can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's shark week go big or go home
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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