Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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