i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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