the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
