My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
