i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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