i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
