I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
