Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
