Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
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so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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