My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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