i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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