It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
