Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
