My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
