am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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