moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
