apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
