We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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