Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
